still syncing

I have wanted to write this post for weeks now. I originally intended writing it on a Thursday evening, since Thursday used to be the day before my day off (and Fridays meant taking the girls swimming in the morning, then lunch at Hungry Jack’s). Granted, it may only have been for a few weeks, but the memory was lasting. Instead, I’m now writing it on a Monday night, where in the recent past I would have finished writing and published in the early hours of Tuesday morning on my night shift, after which I would have returned home as Mrs H and the girls were heading off, and I would have woken after three or four hours sleep to a quiet house, and time alone.

Don’t worry, I’m not getting misty-eyed; I remember vividly the many frustrations, the sleep deprivation and the purposelessness of that job. But I also miss the free time, the weekdays off and – and that’s about it.

around less, present more

Mrs H observed very soon after I started working days again, that although I was around home less, I was present more. Instead of fighting the tiredness and the sense that family life was competing with my desire for personal space, I’m generally happier, and more energetic than I was say even six months ago. The skin complaint on my hand is almost better – and has improved noticeably almost daily since I started this job. The heartburn and acid in my stomach is gone. And just today I started a new exercise routine aimed at shedding those 25 to 30 kilos gained from stress and night work.

Things are going well. I’ve been in my new job with one of Australia’s Big Four banks for close enough to three months now. I am currently mid-way through nine days training for the next skill level, and begin in this role next Wednesday. And while the bank may have over 24,000 employees, handling some 30-40 million transactions a day, my sense of personal value, worth and opportunity has never been higher in any previous workplace. That in itself surprises me.

I’m past the probation period (if in fact there was one). I have no doubt I’ll be staying here longer, and I now have a six month plan and goal, and already a few ideas about areas of the bank I’d possibly like to get into beyond that point.

Part of my thinking behind taking the job with the bank (apart from the fact that it was the only application in eighteen months which led to a successful offer) was that a bank was probably one of the safest places to be in our economic climate. Not to mention the fact that there would be benefits for me as an employee down the track, especially since I have been with the bank as a contented customer for at least the past twelve years or more. And of course, with 24,000 employees, there would have to be opportunities aplenty.

It’s already apparent that my mix of service, sales and communication skills, combined with my innate abilities such as attention to detail and an enthusiasm for numbers is an advantage for me. Plus, I have formed strong relationships both within my team of twelve bankers, as well as with my team leader. The workplace culture fits for me, again, like no other place I’ve worked before. And that’s somewhere around sixteen places, from memory.

“subject to change”

Last week I learned that when quoting interest rates at the bank, I must always add the clause “subject to change”. I smiled, thinking how aptly this suited my life philosophy – that change is the only constant. I still wonder how I’m going to pull it off; how I’m going to escape my debts. Even as I celebrate this newfound workplace content, I quietly wonder how my life might have been different if I had been able to achieve this cohesion say, sixteen years ago, when I started my adult working life. Back then I chose the road less travelled, with all its consequences, mistakes made and failures past.

Down the line that led me to the brash decision to risk everything on the idea of my former business, so full of conviction was I that I could turn a profit out of sheer hopefulness, and an arguably good idea, albeit one which was financially shaky. When I borrowed against our home to finance the business, I remember boldly asserting to Mrs H that I would be a millionaire by the time I turned 40. I had a vision of a franchise of Healthy Lunch mobiles – a vision that now makes me feel ill to imagine. That wasn’t so long ago. And here I am now, not far short of that milestone, still trying to make ends meet month after month. My self-esteem or lack of self-worth, which hit an all-time low in the course of my last job, is returning in leaps and bounds. Well, something like it anyway.

Let the mistakes of the past not be made again. I am here to write about a brighter future, about never giving up, about persistence, if you will.

Thanks for being here,

MH